THE ASHES: Tweeting in the rain
Australia 1 for 126
Shock exclusions are becoming an Australian Ashes routine at Birmingham. Four years ago, it was Glenn McGrath; this morning it was Phillip Hughes; this afternoon Brad Haddin. The 2005 series was one for the early birds, McGrath taking his tumble during the Australian warm-up routine around 9am. This year the news came even earlier, although you needed to be a follower of Twitter account PH408, where Hughes had Tweeted his unforeseen exclusion. The absence of Haddin then went unnoticed until after Australia’s openers, an ersatz pairing of Simon Katich with Shane Watson, had begun a healthy partnership of 85.
For those who find Twitter as mysterious as Linear A, Hughes’ omission was at least an education. There it was in cold, hard, virtual print: ‘Disappointed not to be on the field with the lads today, will be supporting the guys, it's a BIG test match 4 us. Thanks 4 all the support!’ M8 CU L8R!
For the Australians, however, it was a considerable annoyance, as they were not required to divulge their team until half an hour before the scheduled start – a point in the day that kept receding because of the persistent rain and sodden turf as though to exacerbate the embarrassment and elongate the analysis.
Hughes, after a slow start to the series, had made 10 and 68 in the tour match against Northants; his replacement Watson had struck 84 and 50 at number three, and picked up three wickets. But the former was the man in possession, and that in Australia for the last two decades has counted for a lot. Watson’s average when opening for Queensland, moreover, is 4.7 – interesting what you can find out when you have five or six hours with damn all to do.
Haddin, meanwhile, will not savour the sight of Birmingham until it is in his rear view mirror. Four years ago, he rolled the ball that led McGrath into misadventure. Here, as his captain was winning the toss and the teams were undertaking their second warm-up of the day, he took a blow to the fourth finger of his left hand, and had to accept the probability, still to be confirmed, that it was broken.
England’s Andrew Strauss would have been within his rights to insist that Haddin played; as it was, he acceded to an Australian request for Haddin’s replacement by South Australian Graham Manou. Michael Vaughan might have been tougher. Strauss was perhaps confirming his pre-match assertion that Australia is playing sans ‘aura’.
The play that commenced at 5pm felt almost anti-climactic, particularly on a surface rendered terribly slow by the unseasonal rain of the last fortnight: 75mm versus the usual 50mm. Anderson found no swing, Flintoff no direction, Broad no pace, Onions no point. Watson could hardly have found a more benign environment in which to begin his induction as a test opening batsman, and laid wood on the ball with a resonant clop. He dealt with Onions, in particular, as he would smash half-volleys from a bowling machine.
Swann came on at 0-84 after 18 overs, already with a deep long-on, bowled a half-tracker, and by sod’s law gained an lbw against Katich, essaying a pull shot. But after another over, Swann gave way to Anderson, whose second spell was as innocuous as the first. In the last forty-five minutes, the ground was bathed in perfect sunshine – the crowd more than deserved it.
What a misery it has become, in fact, to be a spectator at test matches in England, where tickets cost a king’s ransom, if you can avail yourself of them at all.
It was in the corresponding Ashes test four years ago, for instance, that the practice of mandatory security checks was introduced, in light of the thwarted attacks on the London Underground, rather like those at airports with metal detectors and body searches. Spectators acquiesced tamely, but four years later the ritual has become mechanical, insulting and almost entirely pointless.
"Ticket! Ticket!" barked the warden at me as I arrived this morning, ignoring my journalist’s lanyard. He then grunted at my bag, and perfunctorily examined its contents, although I evaded the detect-o-wand when he was distracted by the crackle of his walkie-talkie. I could have smuggled in a kilo of cocaine.
Rounding the ground, I passed other entrances clustered with members of the security ‘Green Team’ in their posh uniform raincoats, resembling rookeries of fluorescent penguins. A few were dealing brusquely with spectators; others seemed involved in no task more urgent than talking to one another.
The first session was then spent beneath an inky vault of sky that disgorged rain, almost eerily, every time one fantasised of cricket, causing umbrellas to mushroom as it topped up an already brimming water table. The mobile Blotters soaked up the obvious puddles on the outfield. The mobile punters soaked up the surplus alcohol in the bars and hospitality marquees.
Into them, meanwhile, the scoreboard dinned the ground’s prohibitions on smoking and mobile phone usage, with penalties falling just short of transportation – although on such a day, transportation might well have appealed. By 12.30pm, with lightning flashing in the north, journalists had thoroughly immersed themselves in calculating expenses and swapping restaurant tips.
Inspections followed when the rain relented: by the umpires at 2pm, by England’s captain and vice-captain Andrew Strauss and Alastair Cook at 3pm, then the umpires again at 3.30pm, with Aleem Dar observed pushing a bail end-on-end into run-ups at the City End – hardly propitious for cricket. But Mike Atherton surveyed the outfield for Sky reporting ‘good drying conditions’, mats were laid over the damp extremities of the square, and play commenced at 5pm, the thirty overs eventually bowled sparing the ECB from coughing up a refund – twenty-five is the minimum.
Another threshold was not quite achieved. Ricky Ponting ended the day on 11,163 test runs, eight short of passing Allan Border’s Australian landmark, having survived into the Twitter age after starting his career at a time when people still thought email was pretty nifty. What a GR8 player. C U 2moro Pnta.
Reuters: Scoreboard at the close of the weather-hit first day of the third Ashes test between England and Australia in Birmingham, England, on Thursday.
Australia first innings S. Watson not out 62 S. Katich lbw b Swann 46 R. Ponting not out 17 Extras: (lb-1) 1 Total: (one wicket; 30 overs) 126
Fall of wickets: 1-85
To bat: M. Hussey, M. Clarke, M. North, G. Manou, M. Johnson, N. Hauritz, P. Siddle, B. Hilfenhaus
Bowling (to date): Anderson 10-0-45-0, Flintoff 9-2-31-0, Onions 3-0-21-0, Broad 6-1-24-0, Swann 2-0-4-1
England team: Andrew Strauss (captain), Alastair Cook, Ravi Bopara, Ian Bell, Paul Collingwood, Matt Prior, Andrew Flintoff, Stuart Broad, Graeme Swann, James Anderson, Graham Onions.